I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
