Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
