Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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