remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
