I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
