just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
