Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
