so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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