I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
