Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
