Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
