I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
