I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
