coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my shit smells like andre
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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