Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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