Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She told me I should be a condom model.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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