I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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