Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize