Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
