Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
