I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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