Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
