she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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