Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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