Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
