We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
