dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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