I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
