I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
