i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
