i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
