I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
