ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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