there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
