he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
