I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
only if we run a train.
done.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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