I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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