Will you blow on my dice?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
sarcasm needs its own font
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
