I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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