I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
