I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
