Your dad touched me again.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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