So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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