Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
