Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
