Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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