I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
