1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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