she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
