i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You're like the curious george of whores
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
this hospital has no fireball
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
