i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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