I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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