can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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