I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
