i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
