Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
