sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You ruined the universe
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
