I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
