Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
