God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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