Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
