You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
