i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
