My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
