So drunk its hurt
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize