hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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