I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
