i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
