Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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