I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Mom said you looked used
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
