I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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