its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
