I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
