did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
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