awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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