I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
