Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize