If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
