then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
