I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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