I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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