Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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