i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
