Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
